


Beautiful

by detachedbutterfly5253



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Heathers References, Heathers: The Musical References, Misgendering, Other, Song fic, Song: Beautiful (Heathers), Song: Candy Store (Heathers), Song: Dead Girl Walking, Sort Of, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, accidental misgendering, unintentional misgendering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25570633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/detachedbutterfly5253/pseuds/detachedbutterfly5253
Summary: Ever since "Can Lying Be Good?" aired, someone has been sneaking into the imagination theatre, and Roman decides to sneak in as well and find out who it is. He soon finds out that he bit off more than he could chew, though, when he sees his friend group's resident emo being a completely different person on stage, and not just for the sake of playing a part. He has to navigate how to handle this delicate situation, all without letting his friend know he was ever there in the first place. Not only that, but when he senses a romance brewing between his two friends, he can't help but try and help, leading to even further complications. He can only hope not to hurt his friend as he tries to help her.(MtF Virgil, primarily referred to as Veronica throughout the story, though she is occasionally referred to improperly. This is not me as the author misgendering her, it's just whoever happens to be thinking/speaking at that moment, but there's your warning if that makes you uncomfortable. Also, past Janus/Veronica, possible future Janus/Veronica depending on how the story goes.)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a warning: This first chapter will make approximately ZERO sense if you are not familiar with Heathers: The Musical, and quite a bit will probably be confusing in the rest of the story. HOWEVER, for those of you who are unfamiliar(or just want to refresh their memory), I will provide links to places at which you can familiarize yourself with the story. If you find that any of the links are down, PLEASE let me know by messaging me either here or on Tumblr at ducky-jay.tumblr.com
> 
> Please note that I am not sponsored by any of these sources, nor am I making any sort of revenue from these links. I am just providing resources for anyone who needs them.
> 
> Script: https://www.wattpad.com/story/203380164-heathers-the-musical-script  
> Performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUNqQsp7qls  
> Soundtrack on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/6EIxlDI9fMtooJ1H3toRFO?si=Q5r326DMRoGvRVx5iEx_7A  
> Soundtrack on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLA0B_ne4hZEY_HJiTypgqKtArvzcT2Ucq  
> Soundtrack on iTunes: https://music.apple.com/us/album/heathers-the-musical-world-premiere-cast-recording/887521244  
> Soundtrack on Souncloud: https://soundcloud.com/ajaxtheeagleboy/sets/heathers-soundtrack  
> okay this is getting ridiculous, I'm gonna stop now, so either click one of the links or read the story already

To tell you the truth, Roman had known from the beginning.

Right after the incident where De- _Janus_ , he reminded himself. After the incident where Janus had first been revealed, someone had been sneaking into that theater that Roman had conjured. Roman could hear the doors opening and closing in the Imagination from inside his room. He had heard it the first night after the event, and he still heard it every so often to this day. It had been happening for ages, but he still didn't know who it was. He had respected their privacy, but...

The curiosity was killing him.

He had just heard the door open and close again, and he was so incredibly tempted to go and look. A small peek wouldn't hurt, would it? He wouldn't even stay to watch the show(because clearly whoever it was didn't want to be seen or they would have said so), he would just go long enough to see who exactly it was. Besides, it was probably just Logan practicing speeches and the like. It would be completely uninteresting, and Roman's curiosity would be sated. No harm, no foul, right?

Pushing himself up from his seat at his desk, Roman went to the door that led to the Imagination. He stepped out and found himself on an empty street. Across the way was the entrance to the theatre, the one with the large doors that he heard every time someone went in.

Every side's bedroom in the Mind Palace had a door to this place. Where exactly in the Imagination the door led to was the only real variable. Roman's was, of course, just across from the theatre. He assumed that either Logan or Janus would be directly across from the courtroom. As far as Patton, Virgil, or Remus went, he hadn't the faintest idea.

All he knew was that whoever this was, they had to have walked a fair distance to end up in the right place without going through Roman's room. Who on Earth could it be that so desperately needed the theatre at least once a week? Roman wondered this to himself as he stepped in through one of the quieter back doors. He found himself backstage, where many imagined people were milling about, preparing for the incoming show. Alright, not Logan with a speech, then. Then what on Earth...?

Ah, well, all would be answered in due time, if everyone rushing to their places was any indication. Roman slipped out from backstage and quickly went to the back row, hoping to hide among the seats and the imaginary audience that had been conjured up.

Except... There was no audience. Even as things clearly geared up to begin, there was no one but Roman in any of the seats. Roman slipped down lower, trying to make sure he wouldn't be seen. By the time he was certain, he was practically out of his seat and simply on the floor. It was better not to risk it, though. He didn't want to upset whoever was performing by being there when he shouldn't. It seemed not to matter for the time being, though, as the lights dimmed. Clearly, things were starting soon.

As Roman waited, he took note of the various things he had noticed so far. First, there was a proper group of people working on this, meaning that it was an actual production. This ruled out the idea of it being a simple speech from Logan. The seats were empty, though. Why was that? Who would put on a show to an empty theatre?

The realization hit Roman like a ton of bricks. Stage fright. Whoever was doing this just wanted to perform without worrying about any sort of judgment, good or bad. Which meant...

Before he could finish the thought, he heard the sound of a school bell going off followed by a voice coming over the speakers. _"September 1st, 1989. Dear diary..."_ Suddenly, the lights came on and the music started. And there, in the center of the stage, writing into a journal, was one side he hadn't expected to see.

Virgil.

Roman could tell it was Virgil from the eyeshadow, the slight hunch to the shoulders, and the pattern of the outfit. It was clearly Veronica Sawyer's first outfit from the _Heathers_ musical, but the skirt and scarf were in Virgil's usual purple plaid print. The notebook, too, had the same pattern printed on the front of it.

Virgil and the rest of the ensemble continued on with the first song as one would expect. Introduce other key characters, including conjured versions of Joan and Thomas portraying Kurt and Ram respectively for some reason. More surprising, though, was the choice to have _Remus_ of all people portraying Martha.

Personality-wise, Roman thought, the character would've better suited Patton. But instead, there stood a conjured version of Remus, mustache and all(but in a green sweater rather than his usual outfit), being introduced as Martha, the kind-hearted best friend of Veronica.

One thing Roman noticed, though, was that despite being introduced with the character's names, they seemed to be keeping their pronouns thus far. Kurt was being referred to as they instead of he, to match with Joan, and Martha was being referred to as he to reflect the fact that the character was played by Remus. An interesting choice, to be sure, but Roman certainly wasn't going to judge a lack of misgendering friends.

As the song neared the moment when the Heathers themselves would be introduced, Roman found himself wondering who would be portraying them. Perhaps Janus would be Heather Chandler, running the group and taking control? Roman could certainly see that happening...

But no. Emerging from the side of the stage was not a yellow-clad snake man. Instead, at the front of the group of three, Roman saw... _himself._ Decked out in the traditional bright red jacket, Roman could somehow immediately tell that that was a conjured version of himself playing Heather Chandler. And standing right behind him, in two different shades of blue and their usual glasses, were Patton and Logan as Heather McNamara and Heather Duke. They each wore the suit jackets that the Heathers wore in the actual show, but in the colors typically associated with them rather than the colors the jackets normally were.

Roman watched on in surprise as the scene played out. How on Earth did this casting make any sense? He could tolerate Remus being Martha, as perhaps there was something to be said about how everyone called him gross similarly to how Martha was treated, but... Roman, Patton, and Logan as the bad guys? Why?

Thinking about it, Roman realized that perhaps it did fit a bit too well. Virgil trying to fit in to be one of the popular ones, and all that... But still! That had only been Virgil improving himself, not compromising on his morals like he knew Veronica did! ... Right?

Roman quickly found himself interrupted from his thoughts as the scene continued to the point where Veronica and the Heathers were in the bathroom. Mrs. Flemming(or Mr. Flemming, as the character was being portrayed by Dr. Picani, one of the characters Roman had helped Thomas create) had already left, and now, it was Roman-as-Heather's turn to speak.

"This is an excellent forgery," Roman heard his own voice say. He saw himself look at Virgil, demanding answers. "Who are you?"

The answer took Roman by surprise.

"Uh, Veronica. Sanders. I crave a boon."

Something was off about that line... What was it? Roman nearly did a double-take.

Why did Virgil change the last name?

No other character's name seemed to have changed. All of them were being referred to as the proper names. So why on Earth was that the one that changed? Had Roman simply misheard?

The next surprise was barely a minute later. This time, it came from all three of the Heathers.

 _"Get this girl some blush, and Heather I need your brush,"_ Roman-as-Heather-C sang. _"Let's make her beautiful..."_

 _"Let's make her beautiful,"_ Patton-as-Heather-M sang back.

 _"Let's make her beautiful,"_ Logan-as-Heather-D sang in agreement.

 _"Make her beautiful!"_ Roman again, before grinning at Virgil. "Okay?"

"Okay!" And with that, all three of them were heading off stage for the quick change.

Roman couldn't help but stare with his mouth wide ajar. Every. Single. Person. Had kept the same pronouns as their actors. Every single one, except for the star of the show. Roman could feel his head starting to spin, his heart hammering in his chest. This... This wasn't a simple case of Roman mishearing things.

Roman barely had time to consider any of this before more important things were happening on-stage. The students were singing, and then came the all-important line from Mr. Flemming: _"Who's that with Heather?"_

A few lines later, and it was time for the star of the show.

_"Veronica, Veronica, Veronica..."_

And from the crowd of students burst a completely different person. That wasn't Virgil bursting out to sing the next lines. This was _Veronica._ She had on the typical Veronica Sawyer outfit, but in purple instead of dark blue. Her hair came down to her waist, much longer than before. Not only that but with the well-fitting costume, one could easily tell that this was a feminine-presenting individual. Through the power of shapeshifting that sides had, the person Roman knew as Virgil had been replaced. And by god, did she look ecstatic.

 _"And you know, you know, you kno-o-ow, life can be beautiful! You hope, you dream, you pray; and you get your way! Ask me how it feels, looking like hell on wheels!"_ Virgil- no, _Veronica-_ Veronica sang out. _"My god it's beautiful..."_ Veronica looked down at herself and grinned. _"I might be beautiful..."_ She looked back up at where the crowd normally would be. _"And when you're beautiful... It's a beautiful frickin' day!"_

The students sang the last few lines they had before coming to the last one. _"Veronica, Veronica, Veronica, Veronica, Veronicaaaaaa!"_ Roman couldn't help but smile to himself as he saw Veronica jumping around in pure ecstasy as the student characters chanted her name. He could tell that, despite the action being part of the script, that wasn't just an in-character act. That was the actress in question literally jumping with joy.

The theatre went dark, as was expected for the end of that scene, and Roman had a few moments to collect his thoughts. First off, he realized with a sinking feeling in his gut, was the fact that Roman was in _so_ much trouble if anyone found out about this. This was all clearly a private thing for the other side, and Roman suddenly felt awful for intruding. He truly hadn't meant to, he had just wanted to find out who was sneaking in, but then he had gotten distracted with watching one of his favorite plays, and now he was in far too deep.

The second thing he had learned, though... His friend and fellow side was a completely different person than he had thought.

There was no other explanation for it. Every single other person had been gendered properly, it didn't make sense that only one person would be referred to incorrectly. Not only that, but the change in last names. That wasn't just an introduction made in-character. That was someone living vicariously through a part because she could finally introduce herself with the right name and get away with it.

Virgil Sanders was no more. In his place stood Veronica Sanders, a beautiful young lady who clearly had a habit of projecting onto characters she shared a name with.

As the next scene started, Roman sighed to himself. He really should leave, but... This was the happiest he had seen ~~Vir~~ Veronica in ages. She looked truly happy up there, playing this part. He knew it wasn't his place, that it wasn't for his eyes to see, but... Perhaps just a bit longer would hurt.

Before he knew it, _Candy Store_ came and went. Roman couldn't help but notice two things during that time, though. Two instances of names being changed. First, When Remus-as-Martha was ecstatic about being invited to the party. For some reason, the line was changed.

"Thomas invited me to his video! This proves he's been thinking about me!"

That... Wasn't how the original line went. Why had Veronica changed it?

The next change was during one of Heather Chandler's lines. Where the line _should_ have been, "Shut up, Heather!" said to Heather Duke, it was replaced with, "Shut up, Logan!" Not only that, but after being shoved to the ground, Logan just... Stayed there. Until the end of the number, where Patton dragged him up by the arm and they walked off. It was a bit unsettling, honestly. The rest of the number, anything that should have been Logan and Patton, was just done by Patton.

Why were they being replaced and changed? There must've been some significance...

Roman winced as he realized what it was. Just as with the adjustment to Veronica's introduction, the change had a very specific purpose: To highlight which lines were closer to reality. Remus, the _real_ Remus, just wanted to be accepted by Thomas. And Logan, the _real_ Logan, was always being ignored by the other sides.

But soon, the song was over. Which meant that Roman didn't have time to feel guilty, because it was time to introduce J.D. as a character. Roman waited with baited breath to find out who would play the dark and mysterious transfer student. He tried to think of who it could be. Perhaps that sleep character from Thomas's short videos, who the fans insisted was named Remy? That would make sense, given the leather jacket and bad boy attitude. But, Roman realized with a sinking feeling in his gut, that wasn't going to be the case.

Roman barely stopped himself from gasping(and subsequently getting caught) when he saw a manifestation of none other than Janus step up and into the role of J.D., snake face and all. Roman watched on in horror as the next scenes played out, including Janus kicking ass while Veronica made googly eyes at him. From that point, most everything was playing out exactly as it would've in a regular rendition of the musical. Well, aside from one line in _Freeze Your Brain_.

 _"You're planning your future, Veronica Sanders. You'll go to some college, meet everyone's standards,"_ Janus-as-J.D. sang, clearly changing it to keep the rhyme.

Otherwise, though, everything went as normal.

Roman frowned to himself. Why was Janus playing the love interest? Did... did Veronica actually have feelings for him?

Roman didn't let himself mull over it, instead choosing to watch the scenes play out. He could consider the implications later. For now, he was going to watch his friend enjoy herself on stage, not psychoanalyze her.

Within no time, they had passed over _Big Fun_ , and Veronica was gearing up to sing _Dead Girl Walking_. Roman smiled to himself. She was getting her big number! Or, well, one of them. Roman leaned forward, excited to watch it.

His excitement slowly faded, though, when it came time for a certain scene... A certain _raunchy_ scene. Roman realized his mistake too late.

This was a private show. No one was supposed to see it. As far as Veronica knew, she was alone. Which meant the scenes could play out however she wanted. Including extending them. Or making them more... *Ahem,* _realistic._

By the time Roman realized what was playing out on stage, it was too late, and all he could do was cover his ears and close his eyes in an attempt to block it out. Roman was _really_ regretting not leaving sooner. _Intermission_ , Roman promised himself. He'd leave during the intermission, when no one was on-stage to notice him. Then again, he wasn't entirely sure Veronica or the conjured Janus would notice much of anything right about now... Roman winced to himself, cupping his hands harder over his ears in an attempt to block out even more.

Soon enough, the scene was thankfully over. Roman let out a silent sigh of relief, settling in to watch the rest of the show until the intermission. Everything went off without a hitch: Veronica tried to apologize, Roman-as-Heather was bitchy about it, death, the song _Me Inside of Me_ happens, the song _Blue_ happens, and they close it off with Janus-as-J.D. and Veronica singing _Our Love Is God_ (with a bit of death in the middle), and finally, after all that, the curtains closed for the intermission.

Roman sighed in relief. Finally. He needed to get out so that he could pretend he never saw any of this. He just had to get to the door and- oh. _Oh._

...

Fuck.

Roman had two door options: the loud front door that Roman could hear from his own room, meaning Veronica would know he had been there; or the quieter back door that was exactly where the conjured cast was. It was _also_ exactly where Veronica herself was. He couldn't risk running into her.

Roman sighed to himself as he realized that he couldn't leave even if he wanted to. He settled into his seat and decided to just go with it. No sense fighting the inevitable, right?

Not much else of note really happened, save for one moment during _Yo Girl_ , in which someone was once again referred to by their real name instead of their character name. Roman felt his heartstrings tug when he heard Veronica utter, "Remus, I'm so sorry," to a Remus who was curled up on a bed, looking forlorn. Aside from that one moment, though, everything else seemed to go exactly according to the script.

This meant that soon, they were doing the closing number, bowing, and heading backstage. The sound of applause sounded despite the empty theatre. Roman resisted the urge to stand and clap along for his friend like he wanted to, knowing it would blow his cover. And he didn't spend the whole show curled up between two rows avoiding detection only to blow his own cover now.

Roman smiled as he saw all the conjured versions of everyone come out to bow. He felt his heart soar when, finally, last but not least, Veronica and the conjured Janus came out, holding hands. They stepped to the very front of the stage, the spotlight on them, and bowed. They didn’t release each other’s hands the whole time.

Finally, after one last group bow, everyone headed backstage. Roman waited a bit longer, knowing that Veronica would slip out soon, and then he could do the same. He sunk down further when he saw someone walking down the aisle between the seats, trying to avoid detection. Roman’s brow furrowed. Who was that?

Roman frowned as it hit him. It was the very person he was waiting on leaving. But gone were the long hair and confidence. In their places sat a baggy hoodie and hunched shoulders. Roman watched his friend leaving, back in the usual outfit that Roman had seen so many times. He heard the large theatre door open and close and sighed in relief. Roman waited a few more moments to make sure he was safe before standing up, groaning as his joints popped.

Roman quickly went backstage and left through the back door again, not wanting to risk running into his friend and have to come up with an excuse. After that, he headed back to his room, where he promptly waved his hand to change into pajamas before flopping onto his bed, grateful for the fact he could do things so simply when he needed to.

Roman sighed to himself, mentally going over what he had just seen. Part of him didn't even want to go over all of if that night. He was exhausted. It was late. But... He needed to consider this.

He just needed to figure out where to begin.

**Author's Note:**

> me? using anime gifs in a serious fic? it's more likely than you'd think, especially since I hardly ever watch anime.


End file.
